by Sylvie Manaigre
‘No’ is the new ‘Yes’.
Time to identify your priority and respond “F**K YEAH” or “THANKS, BUT…” to any request.
When it comes to reasons why we don’t get sh*t done, we are really good at ‘rationalizing’ a.k.a. making excuses. (read Mitch’s blog about the worst excuse of all time) “I lost track of time”, “The day got away from me”, “I’m running late because”, “If I only had this one thing”, “If it wasn’t for that person”… I didn’t have a lack of excuses, or priorities. Problem was, I had too many excuses and too many priorities.
When we have too many priorities, we actually don’t have any.
In his best-selling book, Essentialism (audiobook), Greg McKeown explains the surprising history of the word ‘Priority’ and how its meaning has shifted over time.
“The word priority came into the English language in the 1400s. It was singular. It meant the very first or prior thing. It stayed singular for the next five hundred years. Only in the 1900s did we pluralize the term and start talking about priorities. Illogically, we reasoned that by changing the word we could bend reality. Somehow we would now be able to have multiple “first” things..”
How do we begin the impossible task of prioritizing the list of priorities?
You cannot overestimate the unimportance of practically everything. – John C. Maxwell.
Discerning the trivial many from the vital few:
Understand the tradeoffs that you are making.- By saying ‘Yes’ to one thing, you are saying ‘No” to a series of other things and vice versa.
To help identify what is really important; ask yourself:
- “If I could do only one thing really well, what would I do?”
- “Who needs me the most right now?”
- “What do I absolutely need to get done today?”
In our hyper connected era, distractions often disguised as ‘requests’ are inevitable. How we respond to these requests shapes the rest of our lives. I learned the hard way that saying yes to too many things can lead to regret , resentment and have a negative affect on our performance, relationships, and ultimately our happiness.
Now, when it comes to responding to requests, offers or invitations; if it’s not an enthusiastic ‘F@*% YEAH’, it’s a ‘No Thanks..’. (The Canadian version of the decision-making framework, “Hell yes, or no.” coined by Derek Sivers) You can identify your own criteria for a ‘F@*% YEAH’. Mine is 9/10. Or when I am choosing which recipe to attempt, I am even pickier. it’s a min 4.8 out of 5 stars.
The art of gracefully saying ‘No’.
Normative social influence (our desire to fit in and be liked) can make saying ‘No’ extremely difficult. So difficult that we often say ‘yes’ and regret it for days, weeks, months & years.
How to say ‘No’ gracefully:
- “No Thanks”… Genuinely thank them for thinking of you and politely decline.“Thanks for thinking of me, but I have to do (x) instead”
- Separate the decision from the relationship. Don’t confuse denying the request with denying the person.
- Pause and count to 3 before answering. Then be honest. This pause can be awkward but the consideration is worth it.
- Suggest someone else. Use the opportunity to create a connection. Often when people request something of us, they don’t particularly care if we specifically help them or join them, they are just looking for someone.
Next time your boss, friend, neighbour makes a request, trade popularity for respect and hit’em with a ‘F@*% YEAH’, or a ‘No Thanks…’